Oblee delayed is not oblee denied
Your unofficial detty December guide.
What’s up guyyy?
If you’re reading this on the 24th of December, first of all, welcome.
You are already deep inside Detty December.
Let's assume you didn't already know what detty December was...
Detty December is a lifestyle. A collective decision by young Nigerians to ignore reality until further notice.
Do you agree? Of course you do, you're probably living it already 💀
December in Nigeria is the month where time is fake, money is imaginary, and everybody suddenly knows a DJ.
So, this is your unofficial Detty December guide.
Not because it works, but because it’s tradition to pretend it will.
Step 1: “This December, I’ll be intentional”
Every Detty December starts with intention.
You sit down. You open Notes. You type:
I’ll only go out twice a week
I’ll budget
I’ll sleep early
I won’t drink anyhow
I’ll rest
This is cute. Screenshot it for memories because by the 10th, you won’t recognize this version of yourself.
Step 2: Budgeting (This is Fiction.)
You tell yourself, “I’ll just do small enjoyment.”
Small enjoyment in December includes:
Transport that suddenly triples
Drinks you didn’t plan to buy but bought anyway
One random concert ticket
Another random concert ticket
Food you didn’t eat but paid for
Your budget survives for exactly 48 hours. After that, vibes take over.
Step 3: Choosing Your December Personality
By mid-December, you must pick a character.
1. The Outside Person
Has not seen their bed in weeks. Lives on Instagram stories. Knows every lounge opening.
2. The Indoor Person
Keeps saying “I’m resting” but still feels pressure when they see people having fun.
3. The Hybrid
Goes out once, needs three business days to recover.
4. The Forced Outside Person
Didn’t plan to be outside but FOMO is a strong spirit
All are valid. All will still be tired.
Step 4: The pressure increases or decreases…creases
Get it? 🙂
December enjoyment at some point is no longer just enjoyment but performance.
You’re not just having fun.
You’re proving you had fun.
Pictures must be taken. Stories must be posted. Captions must be funny. Everybody must know you left your house.
And if you didn’t go out, you start asking yourself questions like: “Am I wasting my youth?”
You’re not. You’re just broke or tired or both.
Step 5: The Return of Old Flames
December has a way of resurrecting people.
People you haven’t spoken to since:
First year
That one group chat
That situationship you “ended”
Suddenly it’s: “Happy new month” “heyyyyy” “We should link up” “Are you in town?”
Proceed with caution.
December feelings expire in January.
Step 6: ‘One More Outing’
Every outing starts with: “I’ll just stay small.”
Small becomes:
After-party
After-after party
Sunrise
By the time you get home, the birds are awake and you’re questioning your life choices.
Eventually, there is:
Step 7: Mid-December Burnout
Around the 18th, reality hits.
You’re tired. Your body hurts. Your account balance is sending warning signs. You still have events left.
This is when you start saying: “Next year, I’ll be calmer.”
You won’t. But it’s good to lie to yourself sometimes.
Step 8: Christmas Is Not Rest
Christmas Day is supposed to be calm. It never is.
There is:
Family
Food
Noise
Visitors
One more outing “just to see people”
Rest is postponed.
Step 9: January Reality
January is coming. You know it. We all know it.
School will resume. For some, exams are waiting. Tinubu's tax implementation starts by January 1st.
But December does not care.
So you spend like January is a myth. You promise to “figure it out later.” Later always comes. Anddd then, the final boss:
In the end,
Detty December is not compulsory.
You don’t need to be outside to have a good December. You don’t need to spend money you don’t have. You don’t need to compete with anybody’s highlights.
Enjoy what you can. Rest when you need to. Laugh at the chaos.
This guide will not save you.
But at least now you know you’re not alone.
See you in January.
If we survive.(We will)
Don't forget to follow us on all socials.
Till next gist,
Gbemi from 10.8.8 Africa ✨