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We need to stop asking the wrong questions about assault

Hi you!

Today’s newsletter is a tough but necessary read. It’s about silence. About blame. About ignorance. About how we talk (or don’t talk) about abuse of our rights even in the most subtle of ways—especially in our cultures where obedience and respect is praised over truth

Let’s dig in

Spin the Colour Wheel

"You’re either right or you’re wrong. And when you are, it is not their right to take what is yours." - Gbemileke, 2025

Williams Shakesleke, England, 1835.

What is left of a person after something is taken from them?
For better context:

Tap the image to view the tweet and quotes

This issue explores that question—through real words, raw reactions, and uncomfortable truths.

Now let’s look at some categories of people:

1. The “Victim Blamers”

There’s a special category of people whose words do more damage than silence. Let’s call them what they are.

(Uni babes connect)

Glorious in their insensitivity, they say the quiet part out loud. They mock, they dismiss, they label.

And honestly? That’s still subtle compared to this:

2. Facebook People

All star contributor una

You be the judge

I have no words. but maybe you do.

What do we make of a society where people casually joke about abuse? where questions of what she wore, what she did or did not do, how she did not obey at once to protect her admission still outweigh what he did?

3. The Bright Side

Not all is bleak. There are people—some of whom I know—who now speak.

Not out of bravery alone, but out of recognition.

“It happened to you too?”

On this side, you’d find me.

And maybe, if you’re ready, you’d find yourself too.

Don’t you think that it’s crazy but then, also understandable that people do not realize the gravity of what has been done to them, until they find out what it really was - assault

I hope the first thing that came to your mind wasn't “rape.”

If it was, I’d be forced to put you among the ignorant ones who don’t even ask what truly happened.

Because that’s where real harm begins: in the questions we forget or refuse to ask.

What is all of this about?

The buzz started with Khadijat and it doesn’t end there because they now know that we will not be silent or be silenced.

At the first “take off your earrings” to which she answered “why?” because she honestly had no idea as to why (this is where our specimen A-1st category found fault in her)’ the next thing was “give me your ID Card” and on her defying this order, Man o’war members were ordered to hold her down and search for her Student Identification card wherever it is on her body. She protested against this manhandling/assault to the point of unconsciousness which was when they stopped.

What happened to taking her to the school’s disciplinary office? Or pausing to explain why she should take off her earrings? What exactly happened to adhering to the same Students’ Handbook they so much preach about and hold students against? What happened to delaying her for her exams (I meannnn, you have soooo much power, why not use it that way? Yes, YOU!, sorry… not you. Power was so untamed that they had to resort to physical assault?)

Forget all of this.

She wasn’t in any wrong to ask “Why?” but we’re Nigerians, so it was ‘disrespectful’

As students and Nigerians in general, we have every right to ask “Why am I being punished? Why am I being asked to pull over? Why are you searching me?” and when we’re at fault, we surrender then to whatever punishment the laws of the school or government has set to be meted out when we’re at fault in these things

Maybe we actually need to re-read this handbook, to be re-informed as to what extents the power of school staff or officials get to.

#IfISpeak…

Maybe they need to channel some of their infrastructure money into getting metal detectors so the security woman at e-centre stops fondling my breasts in the name of searching and also into….(strengthening their website of course)

IT ENDS WITH US?

Not a plea but an opportunity, the movement has started, to join or not to join, it is all in your hands

Your Voice Matters

What do you think?

Reply to this newsletter, share your thoughts, and help keep the conversation alive. Till next time❤️