The 9 Campus Commandments
How to survive a Nigerian University with your sanity intact.
What’s up guyyyy?!
No, it’s not Saturday. Our mid-week newsletter is back, yayyyy!
This is your mid-week dose of chaos and campus survival tips. It’s no news that university life isn’t just about lectures and GPAs, so here are some unspoken campus rules no one tells you about but you’ll learn them one way or another. Some through pain. Others through pure embarrassment.
1. Register Your Courses on Time… or Prepare to beg ICT/ITS
Every semester, one brave soul says, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” then two weeks later the portal starts giving “Error 404 – your destiny not found.”💀
Next thing, you’re in ICT sweating with your file under your arm like, “Sir please, it’s not opening.”
and they’re like “So you’ve been attending classes you’re not even registered for. You’re not serious.”
And somehow, the people who registered on day one are just chilling, collecting peace of mind like bonus marks.
Moral of the story: delay is not denial, but it might be carryover.🙂
2. Beware of Hostel Politics
You think elections are tough? Try getting a good room in the hostel. They’d shout “Hostel allocation is purely by balloting” but i’ve refreshed my portal countlessly and it’s showing “No bedspace available” why am I hearing things like,
“My uncle knows the dean of student affairs.”
“I know someone in Senate, they’d run it for me”
“Just drop something small, they’ll fix you up.”
“Needs assessment room of 4 available for sale”
If you don’t have a plug? You’ll be sleeping in your friend’s room “for the meantime” till semester ends. Your “temporary squat” turns permanent and you’re living like a refugee with three other people in a two-man room.😭
3. Your bank app will sometimes give you silent treatment more than your babe.
First few weeks, you’re doing “big boy/big girl.” You’ve bought suya, done shawarma runs, you’ve even shouted “Let’s go out, my treat” with your whole chest.
Before you know it, you’re staring at ₦113.47, you’d check your foodstuff and realize that indomie and groundnut oil are actually the food of the gods.
It’s not even poverty, it’s just financial character development. Everyone on campus gets it at some point.🤭
4. Group Projects Will Test Your Faith
You’ll meet different kinds of people:
The “Let’s do it next week” committee.
The one person who disappears till the deadline.
The “I did everything” martyr.
And the group leader who carries the whole work on their back. God bless them.
By presentation day, everyone’s claiming “we worked together.” Lies. You know who did the work and it wasn’t “we.”
5. Power Supply Has Mood Swings
There’s something spiritual about NEPA waiting for you to open your laptop before taking light. You’ll be in flow, researching and typing like a genius and suddenly darkness.
Most times? It happens in test or exam season. You’re struggling to catch up, reading your bulky notes and the 300+ pages handout your lecturer sent for your course rep to drop on the group. You’re thinking “why this lecturer dey drop handout the evening before exam😒” and boom, there’s power outage.
Wetin happen? “the transformer don blow”
Next thing, you’re looking for your torchlight, whispering “God abeg, let them fix this thing before tomorrow”
6. Lecturers Don’t Forget
You’ll miss one class, just one, and it’ll be the class that decides your fate. And somehow, that’s the one day your lecturer takes attendance and even remembers faces. One day you’ll walk into class and hear, “You again?” Sir, it’s not personal, I just overslept 😭out of 150 students, why me?
Meanwhile, the person who sleeps through every lecture or the one that barely attends class somehow scores 90. Nobody understands how. It’s academic witchcraft.
That one class you skipped? It’s always the one that’ll pop up in the exam.
7. Campus Crushes Are a Delusion Until Proven Otherwise
There’s always that one person you spot during orientation, fine, well-dressed, giving main character energy. You’ll see them once and start planning a whole lot in your head.
Then you finally talk to them and realize… they type “k” as a full reply. Or they say “you don chop?” every time, no real convo, just food check-ins. 😂
Some vanish after mid-semester break like they were an elective you didn’t register.
Campus crushes aren’t real until they survive week 10, exam tension, and you seeing them in full hostel condition, no ring light, no drip, just vibes. Until then, it’s not love, it’s delulu.
8. “I’ll Sleep for 10 Minutes” ke 😂
You’ll set an alarm for a ‘quick nap’ before your 8 a.m. lecture.
Next thing, it’s 10:47 p.m., your friend is calling to ask where you are, and your course rep is posting attendance on the group chat.
Somehow, that one nap will reset your entire semester.
9. No Matter How Much You Plan, Campus Will Plan You Back
No matter how planned or put-together you think you are, campus will test your humility. It might be a sudden test, a water scarcity saga, or trekking from School to Hostel or Gate under hot sun because you miscalculated transport fare. One minute you’re chilling, and the next, you’re going to submit an assignment due “yesterday.”
If you survive it with your sense of humor intact, congratulations! you’ve unlocked true student enlightenment. If you haven’t caught up,
So yeah, that’s your weekly reminder that campus isn’t for the weak. You either adapt or become a meme on your department’s WhatsApp group.
Campus life is basically a mix of stress, comedy, and serious character development. But regardless, it’s also where you collect the best memories, the funniest stories, and the wildest lessons you’ll laugh about years later.
Stay hydrated, charge your phone, never ever trust a “temporary squat” and may your portal always open when you need it.
Till next gist,
Gbemi from 10.8.8 Africa✨
Accommodation wahalai sef😪😹😹
It better just goes well. If not, I'll be sleeping in classes till the end of session. 😹😹😹
We do hope it goes well 😹😹❤️